22
Apr
08

Preparing For Tournaments

(Adopts 1930’s info film voice) You! Yes you there! Are you getting ready for a card-game tournament this weekend, such as the UK Nationals or Chicago Mega-Weekend? You are? What luck! Now, as a young/old man/woman/cat, you’ll need to ensure you’re adequately prepared and protected for the upcoming event. You can be easily prepared by following these handy hints:

1.) Remember to take playing cards. You can’t play a card game without cards sonny/daughtery! That’s preposterous! Whilst a good tactic may be to make your opponent think of you as foolish, you don’t want to ever actually be foolish.

2.) Remember to take VS playing cards. This isn’t Pokemon! Trying to stun that pesky Ahmed with a Pikachu may seem like a good hastily constructed plan, but it won’t sit well with the judges!

3.) Make sure you are at the right location. There’s nothing worse than arriving at 22B Baker Street, and wait until your wife/spouse/significant other falls asleep, and then finding out the jollities are commencing at 21C Baker Street across the road.

4.) Always assume the correct playing position. Sit directly across from your opponent. Do not assume a ‘from behind’ pose until AFTER your fantabulous victory over their hastily-built deck.

5.) Ensure there is a table between yourself and your opponent. There’s nothing worse than a game of VS on the floor, and having to adhere to the ‘five second rule’.  Plus, it is extremely awkward to number a floor.

6.) Wear a hat. Any fine card-playing gentleman should wear a hat, for it appears gentlemanly in front of the womanfolk. It can also protect against sudden card-throwing attacks to the head if your opponent happens to be a ninja.

7.) Remember to stay properly nourished. Nothing ruins your concentration more than your tummy trying to suggest a possible move to you. It’s scientific fact that the less food you eat, the more opinionated your tummy gets. Keep it fed, keep it quiet!

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